Weekend Update

Eh this weekend went okay I guess.

Friday night was the usual. A bunch of people pre-gamed at this one kid's house before the football game. The theme for the game was to wear camo. I went allll out in my gear. I got drunk and had a super fun time at the game (as always). After the game we went back to the kid's house but there were only a few people there. Rob and I went to his house so he could get his car. We just drove around for a little. Then we both decided there was nothing to do and we were tired so he took me home.

Saturday I did absolutely nothing all day long. Then in the evening I went to the baseball game downtown with a few friends. Rob was already downtown because he went to the hockey game earlier, and I had an extra ticket so he met us at the field and came with us. Normally, the baseball games are pretty boring but we went last night because Steve Miller Band was playing afterwards. I love their music, but they really sucked live. Rob was going to come over after the game but we got into a stupid little argument. I told him he should just go home instead.

This morning Rob and I worked everything out though. The argument was so stupid, there's no need for me to explain. Today, Rob came over around 3:30 and he just left now. Haha so pretty much we just chilled at my house for four straight hours. It's impossible for me to have a bad time with him though.

So yeah, nothing really too interesting this weekend. Now I'm gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette and then the new season of Desperate Housewives starts at 9! I'm so excited!

Breaking Point

17th day of school... And I've reached my first breaking point of the many to come. I can't even call it stress because it is so much more than that. I've never felt like this in my life. My personality is a laid back type of person. I don't get worked up about many things, especially not school. I take things as they come, and I'm lazy. Right now, my massive to-do list grows more massive each day. Thank God I don't still have a job right now. I'm already juggling volleyball, school clubs, homecoming, PSAT's, graduation project, and my very challenging classes. Speaking of which, I have three hugggeeee tests in starting tomorrow. I say that they are "starting" tomorrow because they are all two-day tests. One entire period of testing is not enough, so my lovely teachers have to extend them twice as long. Love those guys. On top of that, I have some stupid ass fundraising shit to do. TWO different fundraisers. One for volleyball and one for my trip to Europe (I'll explain more on this trip in a later post!). And of course, on top of everything else, there's Rob. Although this is an awesome part of my life right now, it's still stressful. I forgot how tiring having a (sort of) boyfriend is. He asks me to hang out and it's like I won't let myself say no. I don't want to say no. I just want to spend time with him and skip every school related responsibility. My priorities have always been off. All I have to say for it is, Fun and I are too close of friends.

The worst part is instead of trying harder to get everything sorted out, I give up. When things get tough, I do nothing instead of everything. Instead of studying forever because I know a test will be hard, I don't study at all because I tell myself I'm going to fail it anyways. Tonight I've given up on studying and I've given up on grad project work. I really really wish I could change that about myself. I need to teach myself to be optimistic. If that's even possible. The glass is always half empty for me and I'm sick of it. It's the thing that scares me the most about myself. Am I just going to wake up one day and realize there's no point in trying at life, too? Most of the time I think of myself as a fairly sane person, but when this question creeps into my head                  I feel anything but. Then another thought finds its way into my brain. Death. Is death more peaceful than life? Less stressful? More rewarding? I want to know. Please don't get me wrong though. I am NOT suicidal in any way. AT ALL. I would never take my own life. However if I were to die this moment, by accident, would I be just as happy, if not happier? I'm a Catholic. My vision of heaven is one thing... peace. No floating over the world, watching. No reincarnation. Nothing crazy like that. I think of heaven not as a place, but a feeling. Complete and total stress-free peace. I don't want to die, but when my time comes, I'll welcome it.

Wow. I cannot believe what this post has done for me. I've gone from raging stressed out maniac, to peaceful thinker in a matter of fifteen minutes. I love you, inventor of blogging.

So although I just ranted about how I shouldn't give up, I do need some sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day. A fresh start is the best kind. Goodnight.

Getting There...

Things with Rob have been making a bit less progress than I'd like. But I still can't complain. We pretty much talked about our situation and it's completely in the open that we're on a more than friend status. Now I'm hearing that he told his best friend he thinks he'll make me his girlfriend soon.

I've made up my mind and I have one objection to dating Rob. He is definitely not physical enough for me. Once he improves his body language towards me, I would love to have him as my boyfriend. I don't know if it makes me sound easy for saying this, but we have been getting so close the past two weeks I expect to be more than just talking to him. I know I'm being stupid for not initiating anything but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I haven't felt this way towards someone in a long time and I don't want to rush into things and ruin it if he's not ready. I can't keep sitting around and waiting though. Next opportunity I have, I gotta do something.

This weekend would have been perfect. Both Friday night and Saturday, this kid had a small get-together. It was only about 6-10 people each night but Rob was there so he and I had a good time. They were the drinking kind of get-togethers. I didn't want to get completely retarded in front of him though. I guess I'm a lot more experienced at drinking than him. We both drank the same amount and he was completely hammered. I felt bad it had to have been embarrassing for him. There were a few times me and him were alone and I regret not making a move when I could. I was a little annoyed that he didn't. I know I shouldn't have been, though. It was just as much my fault as his. Especially Saturday night, I thought for sure something was going to happen. We both slept over there. He didn't even cuddle with me or anything. It was disappointing but I know I could have done something about it. Next time I will.

I've been complaining about all the things Rob hasn't done, but honestly he makes me so happy. My stomach still ties in knots when I'm with him... and it's a good thing. If I can just get our relationship to move to a physical level everything will truly be perfect. I've never had to make a first move on a guy before and I'm beyond scared. But I have a feeling he's even more scared than I am. According to most guys, they say they'll never object to a girl's touch. Hopefully that's true for this one.

Any opinions? What would you do if you were me?

Perfect

In my last post, I mentioned a guy I met, Rob.

Soo since meeting him, we've been texting all day every day. He's not really the flirting type at all. But apparently he's telling his friends me and him are "talking." I don't know if it's the same everywhere else, but around here talking basically means the two people like each other. More than friends. Rob and I haven't actually set a label on our relationship though. I can tell he's pretty shy with girls and he's not the type that would just straight up tell me what he thinks of me. I suck at figuring these things out. But I'm about 99% sure Rob and I are more than friends. He drops subtle hints.

The other day he asked me to dinner. Everything went way better than I expected. There was no awkwardness at all between us. Then he had the check split. That was confusing, considering if we were more than friends I would think he would have paid.

Since then though, he's been walking me to most of my classes in school and anytime we're around each other he doesn't leave my side. We have two classes together. He stays with me and we talk the entire time. He's been getting a little more flirty too.

After tonight, I really think Rob and I have something going on. He asked me to dinner again and when the waitress asked one check or two, he said put it on one and he paid for it. And he offered to drive me to school tomorrow.

It's hard to describe, but sometimes you just have a feeling that you can't quite put in words when someone is interested in you. I really hope I'm right. I like him sooo much and I can definitely see myself with him. He's not like other guys I've been with or I'm friends with. He's so nice to everyone and that's hard to find in a decent looking guy. Honestly, I think he's perfect for me. I feel like such a loser, but I can't help but wish he'll just give me a clear sign when I'm with him. Tell me he likes me, grab my hand, kiss me. I really want him to kiss me actually. I'm not used to shy guys, but I'm too shy myself to make first moves. Things are going great now, hopefully they'll only get better from here.

Finally a New Face

Last night was my school's first home football game. Before the game I went to this kid's house with my friends and there were TONS of people there. It was ridiculous. We drank for a while and my friend introduced me to this guy Rob. He's a senior at my school but I didn't know him because he was new last year. Then we headed out to the game. (Of course we had DD's, gotta be safe.) Usually the football games are sooo boring and I just want to leave the whole time. But I had so much fun there last night. Between me being drunk, and my new cute friend Rob, I didn't want to leave. After the game we went to Quaker Steak. That's where everyone goes to hang out after the games. It's weird because most people don't actually go inside and eat. We all stand outside and talk and stuff like that. Rob was there. We talked for a while then later on when he was leaving he asked me for my number. He was so nice and fun all night and not bad on the eyes either. I wanted to get to know him more, so I gave it to him. I was surprised he texted me literally as soon as he left. Basically I've been talking to him since last night because he texted me again this morning as soon as he woke up. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but I wouldn't mind a "more than friend" status in the future. Who knows. I was just glad to meet someone new. I'm sick of the same old people around this place.

Truce

The past few days have been ordinary for the most part. Wake up, school, volleyball, homework, sleep. Annddd repeat. Right now I'm babysitting the little boys that live across the street from me. Sebastiano is 5 years old and Antonio is 2. I love them to death they're the most adorable kids ever. Every once in a while their mom will call me to come over while she goes out. I do enjoy it, plus it's an easy way to make a little cash. Especially now that I don't have a job during volleyball season. Logan and I are cool now. I know I know I made it seem like such a big deal the other day, but it wasn't at all. I was just upset at the time. But when I realized how awkward things were when I was around her, I just wanted everything to be normal. I was the bigger person and I called her first. Basically she's just jealous that Ali and I are so close now. I knew that already, and I can understand it but I feel like she should have just talked to me about it in the first place. Oh well. It's over with now and I'm glad. The boys are comatose right now by this Tom & Jerry DVD. It's pretty funny how into it they get actually. But I'm going to see if they want to play a game cause I'm bored lol. Post back within the next few days.

so I realize this is my third post today and frankly I don't give a fuck.

honestly I don't even know what I wanna say besides I'm all fucked up and just want to talk. haha it's a little despressing I only have 2 followers but it's whatever. This night was alright. Couple friends came over and I got my drank on. Now they've all left and I'm aloneeeeee. Sucks. Don't know what I'll be doing tomorrow but I'll probably feel shitty. Hey it's worth it. I'll be up for a while the night is too young to sleeep yet ;)

Quiz?

1. Do you know anyone in prison?

Not Personally.

2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?

Boyfriend's facebook. Who the hell uses myspace anymore..

3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?

Like a year ago haha.

4. Do you have a desk in your room?

Yes I do.

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?

Hahaha yes many times...

6. What kind of car insurance do you have?

State Farm

7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?

Nope.

8. Does your first significant other still live in the same town as you?

Yes he does.

9. Do you throw up gang signs?

Fuck no.

10. Have you ever broken a rib?

No.

11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?

Honestly, I'd rather be a guy I think.

12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?

Jess Spina.

13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?

True love, duh.

14. Have you ever had sex in church?

Haha noo.

15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine??

I don't have a boyfriend.

16. Do you watch the Grammy's?

Sometimes. Not every year.

17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?

No?

18. Which one word would describe your last relationship:

Amazing. 

19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older then you or 20 years older then you?

2 years.

20. Have you ever had a eating disorder?

No

21. Do you have a porn collection?

Noo

22. How many proms have you been to in your life?

None yet. This year

23. Have you ever been in a inter-racial relationship?

No.

24. Is your birthday on a holiday?

No it's not

25. Are you old enough to vote?

Nope.

26. Do you have any friends or family in the War right now???

I don't

28. Do you worry about global warming?

No. Fuck that I'll believe it when I see it.

29. Do you like polar bears?

Sure

30. Have you ever been cheated on?

Not to my knowledge

31. What kind of birth control do you use?

None :X

32. What slang word(s) do you call marijuana?

weed, pot, tree

33. Are you an atheist?

No way. 

34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?

Not exactly my neighbor, but he lives around here.

35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?

Don't really remember my childhood dreams.

36. Do you wear your sweetie's clothes?

I did when I had a "sweetie"

37. What's your opinion on gold diggers?

That just ain't right.

38. Are you a country or city girl/boy?

Eh mostly city.

39. Is your car a 2002 or higher?

Yes 2004.

40. Do you floss daily?

Nah

It's Been a While..

So it's been uhhh 5 days since I last posted? I think. I know some people may not think that's a long time but I definitely do. Well, school has been horrible. I hate it already and I still have 174 more days left til next summer. This weekend has been okay so far though.

Friday night I slept over Ali's house and we got all shitty. Of course that was a lot of fun. Any time drunk is a good time :) I haven't laughed as hard as I did that night in a long time.

Last night kinda sucked. I had to work at this Rib Cook Off thing in South Park from 4-8. Basically I sat at a booth with my friend Connor and tried to get little kids to come do crafts. To do a craft though, they had to donate money for this lady with cancer. She's actually my friend's aunt. After I was done at this thing, I came home because my family is in from Michigan and they were at my house. Well, I guess you could call them my family. My uncle married this woman that had five kids - with 3 different guys. My uncle is her fourth marriage. Like obviously there's something wrong with her if she's had that many failed marriages... Her and my uncle do have one son together and he's 3 years old. He's the only one that's really my cousin.

Also since I last posted I got in a little fight with my friend Logan. She was my best friend all through middle school pretty much all up until I became friends with Ali last year. It's not that she had anything against Ali (or so I thought at the time) but she was just jealous and felt Ali was stealing me away. Which was kind of true, but I'm glad I became best best friends with Ali. She really cares about me and I feel truly comfortable around her. With Logan she would sometimes take joking around to the point where it wasn't funny anymore, but actually hurt. And when I became friends with Ali, I just couldn't take Logan anymore. Anything I say she has some rude remark in response. I can't say anything in front of her without her making fun of me for it. I'm sick of it. So recently we barely ever call each other to hang out and never talk about important things. It's fine with me because I have Ali. But the other day Logan REALLY pissed me off. I was at volleyball practice and my friend told me that Logan was talking to some senior girls and I guess they were talking about lunch and Logan named all the people that sit with us then said "Oh yeah and Gabrielle sits at the end with her weird friend."...meaning Ali. What makes me so angry about that is she thinks she's actually better than Ali. Ali has been better to me than any of my friends, especially Logan. So Logan texted me that night and asked what I was doing. I replied "Hanging out with my 'weird' friend. You know, the one I sit with at lunch." She sent me "well I do think Ali is weird.." and then continued with some apology bullshit. Fuck that. I can tell she didn't mean it. I'll tolerate her, but I definitely don't consider her my friend.

I know this post was long and boring, sorry. I think I'm gonna do a little quiz thing though in another post. They look fun :)